Dear We Are Teachers,
One of our elementary APs seems proud of her mean reputation. At lunch last week, the cafeteria full of 3rd-to-5th graders were being particularly rowdy. She got on the bullhorn and yelled so loud it hurt my ears, then proceeded to say, “I know you think I’m mean, and I don’t care. I’m mean because I care.” I just think this is the wrong messaging to send to kids. Should I complain to my principal?
—Can We Care Without Being Mean?
Dear C.W.C.W.B.M.,
I wouldn’t talk to your principal. I guarantee your principal is already aware of this and likely has bigger fish to fry. (Is that a Texan saying? Translation: Your principal has bigger issues to deal with.)
I would, however, talk to this AP directly. But maybe not in the manner or approach you’re expecting. Schedule a private talk with her and say something like this:
“Gosh, I just wanted to chat and let you know that I see how hard lunch duty is. I just wanted to say you’re a trooper and that we’re all lucky that you take on such a stressful task every day.
“I heard you say the other day to the kids how you’re mean because you care, but I just wanted to encourage you and say I really don’t think you’re mean. And I don’t think you should think of yourself that way either. I think you have a hard job, and we’re lucky to have you holding the kids to a high standard for behavior. How can I and the other teachers support you better so you’re not shouldering this alone?”
Gentleness is rarely the wrong first approach, and something tells me it’s the right first step in this situation.
Dear We Are Teachers,
We had our Valentine’s Day party for my 5th grade class last week. On Monday, I got an email from a parent complaining about the content on the party playlist. The parent didn’t mention or quote specific songs or lyrics, but said her daughter was very uncomfortable with the content of the music. The parent also requested to keep any music in my classroom instrumental from now on.
I know I’m feeling defensive because I’m VERY careful of what I play in class and preview all the lyrics of my playlists. Should I stand up for myself and share the playlist with her, or just agree to instrumental only?
—I Get No Love!
Dear I.G.N.L.,
Well, first, definitely do NOT share the playlist with her! Ha. Don’t open yourself up to additional scrutiny when it’s clear the trust there is already shaky.
Share this with an admin. They might want to intervene on your behalf, especially if it’s a parent wanting to call the shots on something happening the rest of the year.
Plus, here’s my other concern that’s more in administrator territory. I’d have no problem agreeing to instrumental music for class parties from now on. Totally fine. But how many lessons, videos, media, or movies that are a part of your curriculum include music for the rest of the year? What about music at school assemblies or pop songs at choir concerts? You can’t possibly shield this 5th grader from music with words the rest of the year.
Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I’d pass this one on to your admin.
Dear We Are Teachers,
I have one particularly out-of-control 8th grade class directly after lunch and at the tail end of the day. Plus, we’re on block schedule so it’s for a full 90 minutes every other day. The perfect storm! This class is mostly just squirrelly, but there’s one issue they will not drop: their seats. They know that all the other classes get to choose their seats, and they complain endlessly that they don’t get that same privilege. But I try to tell them they haven’t earned that privilege with their behavior. It just feels like a constant battle that’s getting more and more annoying.
—Sitting in the Struggle
Dear S.I.T.S.,
Eighth graders! At the end of the day! After lunch! For 90 minutes! Whew. That’s not for the faint of heart.
This one’s easy. Tell them, “You know what? I’ve thought about it, and you guys are right. You deserve the opportunity to prove to me that you can handle choosing your own seats. Let’s chat about what success with this plan looks like, as well as what the consequences are if I determine success isn’t being achieved.”
Then, develop some pick-your-own-seats norms with your class. When they’re a part of creating the rules, they’ll be more likely to follow them.
The most important norm to include: You as the teacher get to determine whether or not someone’s seat is helping them succeed, not them.
Do you have a burning question? Email us at askweareteachers@weareteachers.com.
Dear We Are Teachers,
It’s my first year at a new school, but my 7th year overall. I love my new school, but the one hangup I have is their personal day policy. You have to fill out a Google Form (which is fine), but there is a checklist for “Reason for Absence” with options between “Sick,” “FMLA,” “Jury Duty,” “Professional Development,” or “Personal [Provide explanation].” I’ve only used one personal day so far but it seems inappropriate to request a reason for a personal day—is it? Also, the sharing settings on the Google Doc make it possible for anyone to look at the submissions!
—Um, Nunya?
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