Over the course of their careers, teachers develop their own lexicon for addressing classroom happenings. How many of these do you remember from your own time in the classroom?
“Is there something you’d like to share with the class?”
“The bell doesn’t dismiss you, I dismiss you.”
“I’ll wait. …”
Recently on Reddit, user @BardGirl1289 asked teachers this question:
“What’s your favorite go-to phrase to tell students when they are being a handful? Not blatantly disrespectful or mean, just a handful?”
Here are just a few of the incisive, silly, and witty things teachers had to say.
(Note: Remember as you read the list that each teacher has a unique way of responding depending on a variety of factors. The situation and context, of course. Their personality and regional colloquialisms. That particular teacher’s comfort and/or skill with sarcasm. Tone. And critically, relationships with students. Feel free to use these classroom phrases as inspiration, but as is the case with so many things in the teaching world, this list is not one-size-fits-all!)
When students are making demands …
“I answer a lot of questions not related to our content with an exhausted sigh and, ‘I don’t know man, I just work here.’” —saa2pc
“Go ask a grownup.” —Chatfouz
“I’m not a DJ, I don’t take requests.” —Corinna0815
When they’re whining …
“‘I don’t make the rules’ and ‘that’s above my pay grade’ are my go-tos for when they are upset about a school-wide rule.” —Dobbys_Other_Sock
“I tell them to send a letter to the superintendent or contact their local representative.” —Hoodsie08
“I have reached the point where I’ve made a QR code that links to the webpage where people can request to be added to our school board’s next meeting agenda and I just point at it. It’s actually worked out because I’ve had a couple of students legitimately use it to advocate for policy change on things that were truly unreasonable.” —Guerilla_Physicist
“A few years ago, my statistics students were really mad about a new dress code rule that banned Nike shorts. They whined about it daily. I told them to do something about it, but that they shouldn’t just complain. ‘Administrators like data,’ I told them. So they conducted a poll of students and adults, went to public places like the mall and restaurants and counted Nike shorts. (The ban was based on the idea that the shorts were a disruption of the learning environment.) The girls argued that Nike shorts were so common that no one noticed them at all and removing the students from the classroom was more disruptive. The principal was so impressed that he got the girls to speak at the school board meeting. The school board agreed to add students to the dress code revision committee. The next year, the revised dress code was more equitable, less sexist, and much easier to enforce. My students kept their shorts on and learned some data analysis.” —tiffy68
When they’re approaching your breaking point …
“When they go off on a tangent, I hit em with a ‘Sir, this is a Wendy’s.’” —TheTinRam
“Audacity must’ve been on sale because you got a LOT of it.” —sprout72186
(Note: This next one may need to be accompanied by the fabulous YouTube clip contextualizing it.)
“You’re killin’ me, smalls!” —yourgracesansa
“When they’re fighting: ‘Leave your sibling stuff at home.’” —Illogical_Fallacy
“Along those lines, every once in a while, I’ll pull out a ‘If you don’t shape up, I swear I will turn this classroom around!’ That usually makes them pause and laugh.” —CrankyArmadillo
“You are free to choose, but you are not free from the consequences of your choices.” —YourHuckleberry
When you’re saying goodbye for the weekend or a long break …
“Have a good weekend. If you can’t be smart, be careful.” —EffectiveFilm
And finally, though we can’t advocate using this risky one, we did find it hilarious:
“Don’t end any lives or start any new ones!” —chiquitadave
Ready to add one of these retorts to your repertoire? Pepper it into your instruction over the next week or so—your students are bound to catch on!
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